I have a specific phobia of; I can’t take its name. What if it comes near me? What if I attract its vibes towards me? A specific phobia is a type of anxiety disorder that will scare the bejesus out of you. So, Anxiety sucks, especially if you’ve got it chasing you aggressively and controlling your mind.
I don’t know how many legs it has or hands. I don’t want to know, ever! Many times, it has walked past me or even spread its wings to take flight. And damned it when it flew; I had no wings to escape. It intends not to kill but like any other frightened creature with a sense of self-defense, I’d rather run when I feel threatened. I have screamed at the very sight and sometimes my scream doesn’t even want to come out. My heart beats rise and my pulse rate rockets to the sky. Years have passed by but my fear for it has not. I am like the elephant that stands on one foot at the sight of a helpless rat.
Describing my specific phobia
There were times I’d rather lose memory of; the times when the crawley made body contact with me. My worst nightmares come to life. I still remember that dark night, when the crawley came up to me, in my deepest sleep. Its feather-like touch swiftly passing by my skin; my left hand that lay over my head felt a tickle that lasted quite long. Judging by its touch, it was quite the size of a big one. I shudder even as I write about it here. This is torturous to write but I must. I opened my eyes from my heavy sleep. Its image on my bed, making its way in a dark room at night. When all were asleep, it decided to take a midnight stroll, all over me.
I screamed and jumped out of bed. My heart racing until my mind could gather that it wasn’t a nightmare but reality at its worst. It was found I think, I don’t quite remember but yes I did sleep in that same bed that night, so yes, it must have been found. My dad threw that little monster out the window.
I could be charged with cruelty against crawleys!
What else do I have other than a specific phobia is a mental disorder?
It’s called Misophonia and it is ruining my life. That’s right; this disorder indicates that I need my brain to be treated. I personally think hypnotism will work for me. This phenomenon is all about being massively irritated of sounds. This is the hatred of sounds disorder. So, when a person makes those chewy sounds when they eat with their mouth open, it makes me crazy. Not just any crazy, mad like crazy where I throw things around if I can’t escape the scene fast enough.
So, now I have a disorder and a specific phobia too. However, what is the reason for all of this? Why the disorder, why the phobia, and illnesses. So many illnesses! I believe we all need to meditate and clear our negative energies. I don’t know how to do that because I can barely sit still, let along sit and close my eyes.
There’s another stupid thing I suffer from and I am sure it’s a mental thing too. I get involuntarily jerks in my lower back and neck. People say its stress and anxiety. Well if you are going to drive in Mumbai then yes, stress if going to be part of it. People in Mumbai drive like psychos, blind psychos. It’s like they ask themselves before leaving the house, “Who should I kill today?” They’re a real blood-boiler.
What is a crawley and why does it cause in me a specific phobia?
I cannot tell you what it is and how it looks. All I can say is that it is worse than ‘Penny Dreadful’ and I loved that horror drama series. Darkness has a special place in me but crawleys don’t, they’re worse than the dark. This is why it has been knighted as my specific phobia. Crawleys have a real name; a name that I am afraid to take. Maybe you can ask someone who knows me well, ask them in private when I am not around and they’ll tell you the real name. Or maybe you can guess and tell me but don’t take its name.
A crawley is a word coined by me, thus replacing its original name. I won’t name it in this article or anywhere else. Why? It will appear in front of me. The name makes me sick. I don’t want any vibes that could attract it into my life. Starting from its name to the way it looks, is all it needs to make me go sprinting off like a terrified cat.
I’d scream, I’d jump and push even my favourite superstar out of the way, just to make a run for it. I won’t really mention what I’m talking about because I won’t take its real name. You’ll just have to guess it and never mention its name in front of me again, ever!
How my specific phobia takes a toll on me?
I hate it so much that I have to write about it. I not so much as hate it as much as it scares me. What am I trying to figure out here is why am I so terrified when it crawls up in front of me? It’s really sick to look at but out of extreme fear, I want it killed. Am I a murderer? Insect cruelty!
I can’t even go anywhere near it without screaming to the highest pitch. So no, I only orchestrate the murder – “kill it! kill it!”
So this leads me to yet again to the fact that I need help. I have a specific phobia, which means to be in extreme fear of something for no apparent reason. Why do we have specific phobias? Let’s google and find out.
So here’s what I found out
A phobia originates from a combination of biologically-related nuttiness and crazy mean life situations. This means that there is always a connection as to why we have a particular phobia. It’s a trick of the mind – what else could it be? Previous birth! Then I don’t want to be born again.
So, Munna Bhai’s chemical locha fits well here because the mind is involved. Events that prove to be traumatic to the mind and deep-rooted to the heart like from a previous dog bite or from any other animal, a traumatic accident or an illness that struck a long time ago.
Want to know more about anxiety-specific disorders and how to assess your anxiety to your phobia? Psycom could make you understand and help you to a certain extent until you consult a medical professional.
Can this chemical locha be fixed? Yes, it can!
Behaviour therapy for a specific phobia
This is a therapy I came across on the internet and youtube. It’s pretty neat and proven to be the most effective technique for fixing phobias. It basically involves slowly exposing the patient to what they fear the most. In my case, slowly exposing me to a crawley. So I guess what my colleague did for me while making ‘it’ his desktop screensaver was a treatment in itself. That didn’t help me! There were many walking all over his screen. Yuck!
Another technique is to imagine that the object of fear (crawley, in my case) is in contact with you. Honestly! This would traumatize me. Why would I even want to visualize it in my head? I guess it would work, otherwise, it wouldn’t be a phobia-fixer.
There is no way I am letting anyone expose me to a crawley in any way, be it reality or with mind tricks. Mini heart attacks are not the way to live. I’d rather be chased by a tiger.
Did you know that there are three main types of common phobias?
is the one which I don’t want to get treated for – the crawley phobia. So this phobia means fear of specific objects like insects, blood, heights, elevators, flying in an airplane. I know someone who can’t stand or sit for long in closed spaces. Oh yes that’s me! So now everyone knows how messed up I am in claustrophobic situations but sometimes I can train my mind. So, it’s really all about letting myself feel things but then controlling it with diversions. For me, music works.
is the fear of being judged by this big bad world, the people. You’re in a crowd and what you can’t stand is the crowd. So those who suffer from this phobia refrain from acting in a way that could cause them an embarrassment of any kind. Be careful not to call anyone a fake when they’re not really themselves in a public square. They could just be suffering from the prying eyes of a judgemental folk.
is a type of anxiety disorder, a fear of being “caught” or seen in a public place, especially when having a panic attack. So people who suffer from agoraphobia also have trouble setting foot out of the house. Their symptoms range from fear of being in any situation to fear of being in places where it may be hard to leave like elevators, buses, trains. Gosh, life is tough!
Remember, there are levels to these phobias. Sometimes it’s really bad in people and sometimes it’s not as worse as not being able to get out of the house. So, treatment is recommended as early as possible. Waiting or delaying treatment can only make you suffer from it and let is get in the way of living your life.
That’s what I need, treatment. I need to be exposed to crawleys so that I can get over them. It’s really not my fault for being terrified of these terrifying creatures. They’ve never harmed me but I feel threatened. I don’t know why but they scare the living flesh out of me. It’s true, I need help. So now all I need is saving up some money to pay for my treatment and once that’s done, the next step is to stop myself from becoming such a wuss and go get treated for this specific phobia.
What do stress and anxiety have to do with a specific phobia?
I don’t know whether the two are related to a specific phobia. However, if I logically think about it then yes, stress and anxiety be a cause, depending on the type of phobia. I don’t think stress and anxiety lead to my phobia as much as the feeling after encountering my phobia goes. So, this might not be the case in my case.
Phobias are everywhere. Almost everyone has it and it may be stress-related too. It’s difficult to understand the underlying condition of it all. If any of you smart ones out there know the answer then talk about it me in the comments section. I would like to know. Until then, have a phobia6-free life.