Why do the Mumbai streets boil my blood?
Today, I am going to talk about how people walk on the Mumbai streets. I really want to kick the person who walks in front of me. Why? Because sometimes, you just can’t dodge a walker in Mumbai. My blood is done boiling and has evaporated from the sheer sense of giving up. Neck and shoulder? Aching with the rocking twists I just pulled several times. Feet? Tired of playing kabaddi on the Mumbai streets.
I found 14 types of Mumbai walkers
So, I’m going to talk about 14 types of Mumbai walkers and their bad habits. Have you ever heard of road rage? It’s referred to drivers who become all red-eyed with hell’s fury because of the mistake…or not… of another driver. But I believe this road rage should also be extended to the walkers on the crowded Mumbai streets. We basically don’t care about how we walk. It’s a shame really!
Walking the Mumbai streets, I’ve found fourteen different types of people a.k.a walkers in this crowded city.
With this, I hope my message travels across many Mumbaikars when they step out onto the streets to WALK. I am not just ranting here, this is a true story.
What Are The 14 Types of Different Walkers on the Mumbai Streets?
The first walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Married-To-Their-Mobiles’ Walker
These are the people that walk with their heads dipped into their mobiles. They don’t realize their slow pace. Some would say that such walkers really don’t care about their speed in the crowd. I bet their attention wouldn’t sway even if a building fell to the ground. If their mobiles had fingers, it would have a wedding ring this Mumbai walkers name on it!
Word of Advice – Be more considerate of the people walking around you. They just may have priorities more important than yours.
2. The second walker on the Mumbai streets – ‘The Music Lover’ Walker
You’ve got awesome music on your mobile? So does everyone else! I love music too but there is a slight difference. I am aware of what’s going on around me. But there are those who have music plugged into their ears. They need to understand that they could be putting a life in danger – could be their own.
Word of Realisation – The road is not going to take care of you. It’s not going to send you to the hospital when you get driven over.
3. The third walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘I am In Love’ Walker
I once told a walker, “Why are you walking if you don’t know how to?” (In Hindi – Chalna Nahi aata, toh chalet Kyun ho?) And I walked away trying to dodge the fifty other people who were just like him. While my boiling blood can fry a dozen eggs, I imagine running over this type of Mumbai walker. Like a heavyweight wrestling champion would do.
Do I sound mad? I am! It’s annoying when you’re in a crowded street alongside able young people who walk like there is a tomorrow.
Word of Advice – Stop walking!
4. The fourth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Aerobics Wanna-Be’ Walker
Aerobics have people swinging their arms up in the air within a wide range of space. Some people take it to the roads, literally. There are some who walk with their hands not moving back and forth but 45 degrees on both sides. So, I need to find a way to let their sweaty hands NOT touch me when I pass by.
All I need to say is ‘Excuse Me’ and what they need to do is move aside. But when they don’t understand polite words then I do what every normal person would do. I use my bag to shove them aside. They look at me and wonder why I did what I did.
Word of Advice – Learn Hand-Eye coordination and stop being so oblivious to your surroundings.
5. The fifth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Confused Middle’ Walker
No matter which track they walk in, they slip into the middle. Not on the right, not on the left but in the middle. And they top the cherry on the cake by walking slowly. Why? I don’t know.
Now, why on the Mumbai streets would you even think of doing that? It’s crowded, there’s no place to walk, there’s no room to breathe and nobody has the patience for anybody. So why would you want to be shoved aside only to be offended?
The question pops up – why don’t I just overtake them? That’s because there are people walking in the opposite direction and when I say ‘excuse me’ they don’t move. I need to touch their shoulders and signal them to let me pass. But doing this every day does get to my nerves.
Word of Advice – If you know your brain functions properly, choose a side and stick to it.
6. The sixth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Guest Appearance’ Walker
These types of walkers love to make their presence known. They’re the ones who suddenly realize that they want to go somewhere, even if it just means nowhere at all. So they appear from nowhere in front of you and start walking at their own decided pace. Let me repeat, they appear from nowhere, jump into your way and walk as slow as they can. It’s a gift they have. I think that they think that it is their divine right to appear out of nowhere. I want to fight with them but will it be of any use? Will they improve? Do they even know their mistake? Was it their upbringing? I don’t know what to do.
What’s happening in my mind – I kill them in my next novel
7. The seventh walker on the Mumbai streets – ‘Feet stamping’ Walker
These types of walkers show up when I put on my new shoes and polish them. These Mumbai walkers are unable to touch the road without stepping onto my feet first. I would give that margin of the doubt in a stampeded crowded place. But there are times when they loose foot and eye coordination.
They are not even apologetic about it. Walking by, talking to their partners or friends. They don’t realize that they have stamped someone’s foot. You know what they say about people with no sensation in their feet – Diabetes! Now, I wouldn’t wish that for anyone nor should I (evil grin).
Word of Advice – Get your blood sugar tested coz my karma will hit you bad. I keep getting so angry as I go down this article. But I need to advise them. Stamp the ground, not my feet!
Before I talk further on the Mumbai streets
Before you go any further, you should know that I don’t hate the Mumbai streets. I am a walker too, the fastest walker you can find and I love walking. I love taking in the beautiful landscapes of Mumbai. They are! They’re beautiful. I believe traveling throughout India is what brings beautiful memories.
8. The eight walker on the Mumbai streets – ‘Gaining On Me’ Walker
These types of people I find almost everywhere. And when I mean everywhere, they’re everywhere behind me. There are times I slow down because the crowd ahead of me slowed down. That’s the time someone behind me is breathing down my neck. It’s not their fault; they’re not wired with the ‘stop’ button in their brains. They’ll walk slowly but they won’t stop. They believe keeping it in gear 2, all the time.
When I get slower in my speed, the monster breathing down my neck is ‘unintentionally’ touching me with their body. They don’t even realize that they’re being annoying. Their batteries keep them going and they just don’t stop until I let them move ahead.
What I do when this happens – I give them the stink eye and let them pass by. I let them know what a pain they are to society. But they just never get it.
9. The ninth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Twist & Turns’ Walker
This walker is known as the twist and turns walker. Because (drum roll) they take abrupt turns to the left or to the right. These crazy twisters stop me in my tracks and I bump into them. That’s embarrassing because then I look stupid for not noticing their impulsiveness. When I walk, I think, I am aware of everything around me but I think. I think about the day that went by, what I should or should not have done. But the only thing that doesn’t strike me is the sudden twist and turn of this Mumbai walker.
What I do when this happens – Due to sheer annoyance and out-of-control BP? I’d have to walk away before I kung fu them into oblivion.
10. The tenth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Sleep’ Walker
I’d walk with the walking dead any day. Sleepwalkers are among the most deadly of walkers and they rank higher above the walking dead. If they happen to walk in front of me then it’s the worst. It’s difficult to overtake them.
Mr. Bean tried to overtake the old couple down the stairway. He couldn’t. That’s how I feel. What’s noteworthy is that I wouldn’t mind if the person in front of me were old or ably challenged. However, these walkers are as I mentioned before, stable and quite able. They can sprint and run but they don’t do so; I can’t figure out why.
Word of Advice – Wake Up!
11. The eleventh walker on the streets of Mumbai – The ‘Speed Breaker’ Walker
I’m walking gizmo speed and can’t wait to get home. I dodge every walker, I overtake every aerobic wanna-be and jive through every pothole on the Mumbai streets. Out of nowhere, there comes the deadly, most dreaded walker of all, the ‘Speed Breaker’. This Mumbai walker is the cunning one because I don’t know what goes on in their mind.
They walk, they stop, they start walking again and stop again. Right in front of me! Until I finally bump into them and it’s hate at first sight. You could think that they’re much like the ‘twist and turn’ or the ‘sleep’ Mumbai walker but it’s different. The ‘Speed Breaker’ is someone who is in front of you and then suddenly stops because they noticed something. A window in shop?!?
What I would do here – Absolutely nothing. There’s nothing I can do unless I decide to confront them. This would mean 10 minutes of my precious time wasted.
12. The Twelfth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Couple / BFFs’ Walker
Isn’t the world just a beautiful place when love is all around? Don’t answer this question in the comments section.
This type of Mumbai walker could be a couple walking hand-in-hand or friends depicting the Sholay scene. They’ll walk together and make sure they block my way. They’re just too busy to notice me gaining on them like a road runner. And the moment I pass through the middle, they’d glare at me as though I stole their partner. Of course, I couldn’t go from the side. I have to give way to those walking in the opposite direction. You see, unlike the walkers, I do not like getting into anyone’s way.
Word of Advice – The world is your oyster when you have someone you love but what if they disappeared? Despicable Me
13. The Thirteenth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Luggage Carrier’ Walker
Bags or purses are needed and who better than I to know that. I understand that big purses are tough to manage in crowded streets. I appreciate those who carry them.
However, there are some walkers who don’t carry their bags the way they should. They don’t keep their bags to themselves. They don’t care about how hurtful their bags are when they brush it past those who walk by innocently. I believe these types of walkers would be terrible with umbrellas. During the monsoons, they are most likely to poke their umbrella studs into my eyes. Want to know how mysterious the rains can be in Mumbai? They were actually pretty beneficial to me. It’s all about learning what to do with your time. Especially, when the weather puts you under house arrest due to heavy monsoons.
Word of Advice – Your bags could get robbed too. Despicable Me
14. The Fourteenth walker on the Mumbai streets – The ‘Molester’ Walker
So it gets really dark here now. It’s sad that such people are a part of Mumbai, this great city. I can take any of the other 14 walkers out there but this one! You have a perverted mind and you want to feel the touch of a woman, a girl, a kid? What is wrong with you? There are so many like you out there on the Mumbai streets. I wish you weren’t part of this city. I also hope that this evil practice is out from this world altogether. No girl feels safe having to walk without acting like an alert ninja. She has to literally make herself a weapon to avoid you. All she has are her hands and her purse or umbrella. And yes, that’s enough mind you!
Word of caution – We’re stronger than you can imagine.
Respect Mumbai – the city of many busy lives
At the end of the day, Mumbai is a busy city and people have busy lives. Let’s make this city a better place to walk in so that peace prevails before I kill someone. And that wouldn’t be my fault. The Mumbai streets call out to your gratitude and your kindness towards it. There are violence and murder all around, the last thing you want is ill-mannered Mumbai walkers.
I don’t intend to seem racist here. But since I am a Mumbaikar, I can voice my opinion over the Mumbai citizens. So, pedestrians, please be courteous of those around you.
Do you know of any particular Mumbai walker in mind or remember a time when you faced one? Do share your experience in the comments section below. Also, if you have a fourteenth walker to add to the list, be my guest.